1/8/11

I am honestly doing everything I can to better myself. I finally got a job I'm working out eating better and already starting to see results in my stomach. But still I don't feel like I am good enough for him or that he isn't attracted to me. I'm not sure what else I can do. Every time I talk to him about it we just end up getting into an argument because he feels like I am insecure. Is it that much to ask to be called beautiful or to feel wanted, like he wants to have sex with me opposed to watching porn? I try not to let it get to me. It does but I don't let him know that. I just don't know. I know he's not involved with any one else because we are both TOTALLY against that. I'm just not sure what's going on. I know he's stressed and really worn out from school but that doesn't give him the excuse to come home in a pissy mood and make me feel like I don't make him happy. I honestly try to do so much to keep him happy. The house is always clean I always cook for him, I have sex with him when he wants to. I'm just so flustered because I don't know what more or how much more I can do. A lot of the time I feel like I don't get much back from him. I know he loves me but he has a damn funny way of showing it. Yea I get kisses and I love you's and I love you more's but sometimes I feel like that's not enough. Probably because the way my mom raised me with so much affection that it almost suffocated me. But I need that from him and I have voiced this to him but i feel like it just went right over his head. I love my husband with all my heart and I would never leave him  it's just hard for me not to get what I want. I feel selfish and needy for wanting all this attention from him when he is going through a lot but I need/want to feel like I'm needed/wanted.